Self Compassion Archives

On Missing Workouts

June 14, 2016 by Kate Leave a Comment

You know the feeling. You snoozed, you overslept, you sat down, you pushed it off – however it happened, you gave yourself the tiniest bit of permission to miss your workout. And now you feel terrible. Because you didn’t really, fully give yourself permission. Instead, you sort of put yourself in workout purgatory.

I was talking to a single guy on my tri team recently – he told me he’d been 100% compliant with our workouts. “100%?” I asked him, not believing that in 6 months he’d executed every workout as instructed. “100%,” he assured me.

Naturally, and in true female / Kate form, I started to beat myself up, I hadn’t even been close to 100% compliant. Of course, he was quick to offer excuses for me – my life is complicated. I have kids. Yes, yes, yes, but still!

I sat on those negative feelings about myself for a while.

Later that weekend I completed my first 100 mile bike ride. I cycled 2 days in a row, the second on tired legs, ran a half marathon & swam 3.1 miles. Were all of those done as fast as they would have been if I was 100% compliant with the training plan? Likely not. But, my gosh, look how far I’d come. A few short months ago, I had legitimate anxiety going to swim practice (in a pool). I was just getting used to my tri bike – a 100 mile ride seemed unfathomable. I was proud of myself. I felt strong, powerful, and capable.

Those questioning feelings about my training shrunk away in the background. I was doing my absolute best given what I had on my plate.

Just this morning, I was supposed to go to swim practice at 5am. I was in bed by 10pm last night. My mind was wandering. 11pm… midnight… the hours were ticking by and I was still awake. I got a snack and moved to the couch. 1am, still awake. I decided at that moment that swimming would have to wait. I slept til 7am without interruption. I needed it. And the best part about the whole ordeal is that I didn’t beat myself up over it or tell myself I needed to sneak it in elsewhere in my training. I just let it go.

We are all doing our best. I’m going through a period where training is front and center, but sometimes, for good reason, training isn’t the first, second or third priority in our lives. I always cringe when I see moms with a newborn pressuring themselves to begin training ASAP – I cringe because on one hand, I can relate, but also, those moments are precious, too precious to be preoccupied with negative feelings about one’s body or guilt for being inactive.

Most of us expect a lot from ourselves – to be loving mothers, supportive partners, attractive, fashionable, successful in our chosen profession, keep the household running… the list varies for each of us, but it usually goes on and on. And it’s almost always too much!

The number one thing we can do, which will help us achieve all of our goals in the long-term, is to shower ourselves with love and compassion. That means that sometimes it is advisable to eat cake, sleep in or miss a workout.

All my best,
Kate

Feeling Sick? How to Decide When to Train & When to Rest

January 14, 2016 by Kate 9 Comments

The twins just started at daycare last week so I have been expecting a wave of illness to sweep through our house at any moment. Sure enough, Sunday evening post-workout I felt a tickle in my throat and by Tuesday morning Callen awoke with a seal bark. Poor guy.

Despite feeling a little off on Monday, I fully planned on going to my evening swim workout after work. I had 2 hours at home with the kids after work and before swim (8:30pm). During that time, I felt progressively worse – sore throat, really swollen glands and increasingly tired.

By the time Michael got home for the kiddo handoff, I’d made up my mind. I just needed to sleep. I felt like some rest now might stave off the cold entirely. I was torn, though, because skipping a planned workout feels weak. And I don’t want Ironman training to get infused with weakness and lack of commitment, especially this early on.

Ultimately, my yearning to sleep overpowered my will to train. I went to bed at 9pm and woke at 7am on Tuesday morning. It was glorious.

Unfortunately, my scratchy throat was still present on Tuesday. I took some ibuprofen and got on with my life. These types of illnesses almost always seem more dire in the early mornings and late evenings, don’t they?

Anyway, I realized there was a time not that long ago when I would have either berated myself about not working out OR (rewind a few years further) I wouldn’t have been caught dead training unless conditions were absolutely optimal.

It’s interesting how we evolve over time as athletes, isn’t it?

So, what to do if you’re an otherwise healthy athlete who starts feeling sick?

In my option, there’s a mental and a physical element to all of this:

I believe your decision should hinge on what phase of training you’re in and what you’re training for, obviously. But beyond that, what matters is how sick you are and your current mental ‘need’ to train (meaning: is one rest day going to undermine the rest of your training program or can you take it in stride?).

Let’s assume that you’re training for a long endurance event like Ironman or a marathon, in which case missing one or two workouts is not going to undermine your efforts. In fact, staying healthy should be a priority for you.

In terms of how sick you are, if you have a flu-like symptoms or a cold with a fever, rest. Your body needs to focus all energy on getting better. If you are an otherwise healthy person battling a head cold, like I am this week, you can definitely train. You should just ensure that the duration of exercise is shorter than usual and the intensity is much lower. Any benefit you would get usually from a high intensity training session, if you can make it through one, will be offset by the excess strain you put on your body.

A few caveats: If, in your gut, you’re at the start of a cold, and you feel like resting will help reduce its severity, by all means, do it. That’s what I did this week. Even though I still have a sore throat, my cold hasn’t progressed AND I’m really well-rested. How often can us moms say that?

If you’re experiencing coughing fits that won’t subside through OTC treatment, you might want to replace running with biking or core. And if your head is full of mucus, avoid the pool!

Now, your mental need to keep moving. There’s a lot of momentum that builds in training programs. If you compare the difficulty of starting an exercise program to continuing an exercise program, there’s no question that for most people starting is substantially harder than maintaining. An object in motion stays in motion, right?

So, if you’re one of those people who absolutely must execute every workout on your plan no matter what, I get it. You’re going to have to make a judgment call. If you’re really sick (fever), you need to rest. Period. Do your best to come to terms with missing the workout and move on. Don’t dwell. Just because it happened once, does not mean it will happen again. If you have a head cold and you feel you absolutely must get in your 5 mile /45 min speed run, go for a 35-40 min run, but keep the intensity low (zone 1 or 2).

Whatever you do, don’t try to make up for lost workouts later in the week or in future weeks. That’s a really good way to get injured.

Finally, if you are sick, you may be contagious. In that case, it is courteous to keep your germs away from others and out of the gym so keep that in mind when deciding if / how to train.

Training Type Depends on Intensity of Illness and Athlete’s Mental Need to TrainDuring training, our immune systems can become compromised. We are purposefully stressing the body so that it gets faster, stronger and, for endurance athletes, can go longer. We really need to limit our exposure to sick people and practice basic preventative hygiene like frequent hand washing.

One of the Ironman books that I have even suggests limiting contact socially for a few weeks leading up to your race to ensure you don’t catch a bug! If any healthy person wants to come take care of my germ monster kids for me in July, just shout.

Here’s hoping that you don’t need to reference this article at all this season. Happy Training!

How to kick the post-marathon blues

November 11, 2015 by Kate 4 Comments

Without fail, after every major race, I experience a bit of a dip in mood. It’s not depression per se, but I just feel a little flat. Training for an endurance event requires focusing a substantial amount of time and energy in one direction, to build towards a big race. I suppose it is natural to feel a void when you are no longer working towards a specific, measurable goal.

The week before the race, I’m usually full of nerves and excitement. Before the Chicago marathon this year, I had a very hard time focusing at work. I kept thinking about my goal for the race, if it was attainable and what my approach should be. Would I plan to stay consistent? Build in a fade? Try to negative split? How’s my diet? What will I eat the day before? The morning of? This is all especially challenging when traveling for a race. There’s so much to consider.

As race day approaches and you’re as prepared as you can be, all you have to do is execute. Still, for me, race day is usually a roller coaster ride. There are moments filled with pain and agony and others full of elation. And then, just as I cross the finish line, there’s the thankgodimdoneimneverdoingthatagain feeling that washes over me. After my immediate needs are met (water, food, getting off my feed, showering), it’s time to analyze my race and then celebrate!

My post-race celebration includes a free pass to eat whatever I want and usually indulge in at least 1 beer. If you’re like me in past years, you continue celebrating by indulging in any number of snacks and sweets. You think, “I deserve it, right?” Until eventually, I’ve lost my running base and jogging a mile feels like hell again. At which point, it is usually just getting cold enough for me to throw in the towel and hibernate for a few months until spring rolls around. Knowing when to stop celebrating is a learned skill, one that I’m still working on. Trust me, it’s important. Treating your body like crap only makes the post-race blues worse.

So, to avoid all of that, which will mean you’re happier and far more likely to train throughout the winter, here are 3 tips for avoiding the post-marathon blues:

1. Set a fixed duration for your celebration. This year I gave myself a week of eating whatever I want and limiting my running. I think 3-5 days would have been sufficient, to be honest. Then, stock your fridge with healthy, delicious foods. I prepared them in bulk at the start of the week so that they are as easy as pre-packaged foods to grab and go. This helps the healthy foods compete with all of the snacks lurking in bodegas on every corner.

2. Call in reinforcements – rally your best training buddies to help you get motivated to pound the pavement again. You can even incorporate more cross-training or strength, if those are activities you enjoy. Here’s a photo of my Mom’s in Training team. I leveraged them for accountability to re-start my workouts.

3. If all else fails… simply register for an event that requires winter training. This is exactly what happened this year. I have my sights set on Lake Placid and the immense amount of training that I will soon be undertaking so I cannot afford to goof off for too long.

What are your strategies for fending off the post-race blues and staying motivated after a big race?

Happy running,

Kate

The Case For Buying Skinny Mirrors & Purging Skinny Jeans

May 24, 2015 by Kate Leave a Comment

In college I can distinctly remember spending far too much time in Target testing the ‘el cheapo’ mirrors to find one of the $19.99 variety with the fewest distortions. Nothing bothered me more than getting a false sense of my thinness only to have it stolen away when standing in front of another, more accurate mirror – or worse, seeing photographic proof of my wider body shape.

Officially in my 30’s now, one might think that I’ve graduated to more sturdy mirrors, but I just received a Wal-Mart special “el cheapo” mirror that I ordered last week. Between babies, a dog and a cat, furniture and housewares don’t have a long lifespan here so I find myself more frequently opting for value purchases. Upon initial examination of my new mirror, I was disappointed to see a much thinner version of me staring back in the reflection.

Despite my skinny mirror pet peeve, which still exists (I am a realist after all), I am holding on to the mirror. I have decided that perhaps seeing a thinner version of myself isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact, maybe, just maybe, it will do me a some good.

Here’s my thinking on this topic. I’ve been paying more attention to my self-talk lately. And surprise, surprise, I’m not treating myself very compassionately. I noticed that I had been berating myself for an array of things I’ve done wrong – having a dirty apartment, eating a high calorie snack, not staying hydrated enough, not getting enough done around the house, etc.. And as a result, I feel like a hot mess. I hate that feeling. I am someone who typically takes a lot of pride in having it mostly together. Ugh…

An old friend of mine from business school visited me the other night. We used to enjoy talking smack about anyone and everyone – really ugly and immature behavior, of course – and I have to say she did a complete 180, totally transformed. When I asked her about it, she explained that a few years ago, she recognized the error in her ways. She felt she wasn’t living life compassionately, and she decided to do something about it. She began by noticing something positive about every person she saw or met, who she would have historically passed judgment (usually negative) upon. A worthwhile pursuit, for certain.

What’s even more important, and especially interesting to me, is what she did next. After she habitualized calling out the positive about others, she then decided to apply the same rules to herself. From here on out, she would only to “speak” to herself in a loving, kind, and non-judgemental way.

I must admit, as an outsider looking in, today she seems like a calmer, more centered and happier version of her old self. It is remarkable.

So, back to that skinny mirror. I realized that especially when I am not training for a race, I have tended in the past to spend a significant amount of time examining and judging my body, so much so that the “ugly” parts were far more obvious to me than the “beautiful” parts. I know, I know, all bodies are beautiful, but we all have our hang ups.

So, in addition to broaching this issue head-on like my friend, which I am in the process of doing, I figure that maybe keeping a skinny mirror around will help me temporarily notice the awesome things about my body.

But those clothes that are too tight, the ones you dream of fitting in next summer, those aren’t doing anybody any good. Donate, sell or toss ’em.

It’s a beautiful journey…